ALERT: Jackspeak

This weekend I found a gem at a local yard sale--a kinda beat-up paperback copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I gave it to Jack. He immediately began reading. After a while, he stopped to note that he'd read 12 pages in only 10 minutes. Not bad for a seven-year old.

Me: "Twelve pages, huh? Pretty good. So, what's happening in the story so far?"

Jack: "Well, I learned something already. I found out that his first name is Harry and his last name is Potter. This whole time, I thought his first name was Harrypotter!"

ALERT: Jackspeak

I love music lessons with my boys. Tonight, while folding laundry, we're going old school with a little Frampton Comes Alive! (Do You Feel Like We Do?, of course.)

Jack: "Is Peter Frampton dead?"

Me: "No."

"So, is he really old?"

"Well... he's older. He's kind of a rock legend."

"If he was dead, he'd be a real legend."

"They have a name for legends who are still living. They call 'em 'living legends.'"

"And if he was dead, he'd be a dead legend."

"Right."

ALERT: Jackspeak

I’ve been away from this space for awhile, busy with a new work-related/writing-related project that I’m excited to share soon. (Not sure I’ve ever mentioned before that I work here. It's way cool.) Haven’t had enough time to share much on the blog, which makes me sad. However, Jack and Charlie certainly haven’t been slacking on the –talks and –speaks. So today, a Jackspeak.

. . . . .

Many already know that we’re a vegetarian family—me for 17 years, Jack and Charlie since birth. But we’ve slowly been taking a turn toward veganism. It’s been a fun experiment, and it’s been an easier switch than either Brett or I thought it would be. (Although I’m still not sure I can forever say goodbye to store-bought birthday cakes or Pizza Hut. We’ll see.)

Anyway, we’ve always talked a lot about where our food comes from. A few nights ago, Jack experienced an a-ha moment.

Jack: “You know, they shouldn’t call them ‘hot dogs.’ They should call them ‘hot pigs.’ Because they’re made from pigs.”

Me: “That does seem to make more sense, doesn’t it?”

“And veggie dogs shouldn’t be called ‘veggie dogs.’ They should be called ‘veggie pigs.’ Not because they’re made out of pigs . . . just because now the pig kind of hot dogs—I mean hot pigs—are called hot pigs. And it would be weird to call them ‘veggie dogs’ if we called the pig kind of hot dogs ‘hot pigs.’

“Makes crystal-clear sense to me, kid.”

ALERT: Jackspeak

Adding insult to injury... more old-person humor, this time from our eldest:

Jack: “I have a new friend! His name is Colton. Colton Platt.”

Me: “Hey, I knew some Platts when I was a little girl. Dennis, Val, Cathy, and John Platt.”

“Oh. Well, maybe those are Colton’s ancestors.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

ALERT: Jackspeak

We're at the dinner table. Jack is wearing a purple-velvet oversized top hat from the costume bin. He's twisting the hat around his head and pulling it over his eyes. He's not paying much attention to his meal.

Me: "Jack, pick up your fork and eat or I'll have to take the hat."

Jack: "Take my pants. Leave the hat."

ALERT: Jackspeak

After weeks of unpredictable weather, we enjoy a dry, sunny day from sunup to sundown. Our family eats posicles on the deck in the backyard, listening to the rushing stream below us and watching the mild winds move the blooming trees above us. 

Jack: “I have to say, nature is even better than I thought. It’s even better than electricity.”

ALERT: Jackspeak

Most people who see me day to day know something's up--I've been wearing a very noticeable black brace for four months now. It's my wrist. My right wrist. Can't open jars of peanut butter. Can't turn on bath water. Can't zip up three-year-old's pants. Can't grate cheese. Can't get any outfit to look good with that black brace. (Not even a black outfit.) What's a mama to do?

Just do what the doctor says, I guess. Surgery is in my near future.

I recently expained the impending procedure to Jack. Incisions, needles, bone scraping, fragment packing, stitches. Sounds a bit horrifying.

Jack: "So, what do our bodies look like on the inside, anyway?"

Me: "Well, there's blood, and veins, and organs, and bones... I guess it's kinda scary in there."

"It's like, we're so pretty on the outside and then we're so yucky on the inside."

"Yeah. Pretty much."

"I'm so happy we're not yucky on the outside too."

"Indeed, bean."

ALERT: Jackspeak

Me: "I need to call my mom."

Jack: "Why?"

"I dunno. I just do. I want to talk to her. I hope when you grow up, you'll still want to call and talk to me."

"I probably will."

"Well, that's good."

"Yeah, but you'll probably be all old. Like, laying down on the couch and, like, you know... just knitting or something."

"You're right. I probably will."

"Yeah."

"But will you still call me?"

"Yeah, I'll still call."

ALERT: Jackspeak

Jack and Charlie and I are sitting on the couch, trying to wake ourselves up after a long nap.

Jack: "Charlie, could you go get me my frog? The one Uncle Aaron got me from the aquarium? It's on my bed."

Charlie: "Okay."

Charlie climbs off the couch and wanders into their bedroom to find Jack's frog.

Jack: "You know, brothers are really good to have around."

Me: "They sure are, aren't they?"

"Yep."

"Hey Jacky, could you go get me my drink? It's in the kitchen on the counter."

"Okay."

Sons are really good to have around, too.

ALERT: Jackspeak

"Okay, Charlie. You can poke me anywhere except my butt, my nutsies, and my eyeballs."

ALERT: Jackspeak

Last week was "Family Connection Week" at Jack's elementary school, a week dedicated to encouraging students and their families to spend more time together. One suggestion was for students to ask a person in their family ten questions about themselves. I was the lucky person in the family that Jack decided to interview.

After the first question--"What's for dinner?"--received gentle redirection, Jack came up with the following questions for me. I didn't think it was important to include my answers. They sort of paled in comparison to the questions.

1. What is your favorite animal in the water?

2. What is your favorite height?

3. What is your favorite stuffed animal that is not a bear or a dog or a bunny, and is not pink?

4. What is your favorite thing to get for Christmas? Oh wait, I know what that one is for you. A hug.

5. What's your favorite kind of hairstyle--goth, or beautiful, or weird, or crazy?

6. What is the prettiest thing you've ever seen before?

7. What is your favorite kind of flying bird in the water?

8. What is your favorite food, that you haven't told me was your favorite food before?

9. Who is your favorite person? Not including you.

10. What is your favorite planet? Is it Earth?

Yes, Jacky. Today, it's Earth.

ALERT: Jackspeak

We're all in the bathroom. Jack's in the tub. Brett has just removed a weird, Yosemite Sam-style moustache that he's kept on for most of the weekend. I'm glad.

Me: "Bretty, you are really more of a goatee guy, I think..."

Jack: "Yeah, you're more of a goatee guy, daddy. Because people with moustaches, they have skinny heads, and they have tall hair, and they use hairspray. And they're like, waiters."

Brett and I stop. We turn and stare in great confusion at Jack in the bathtub.

Jack: "Trust me. I know what people with moustaches look like."

ALERT: Jackspeak

Early morning. Jack is coloring in a coloring book he received in his Christmas stocking.

Jack: "Look mom. I'm speed coloring."

Me: "Speed coloring?"

"Yeah. It's actually just scribbling, but I like to call it speed coloring."

ALERT: Jackdo

ALERT: Jackspeak

Whether we grab a dictionary, examine an item with a magnifying glass, hop on the internet, or give a family member a call, I like to answer Jack's questions on the spot whenever I can. But I really wasn't expecting this question. I'm stumped. I really don't have an answer for this one.

Jack: "Mom, which is better to drink, dirty bath water or clean potty water?"

ALERT: Jackspeak

Jack: "I had a tissue today at school and I touched my loose tooth with it and there was actually blood on it."

Brett: "Can you grab it with two fingers and wiggle it that way?"

Me: "Yeah, you could just wiggle it and pull it at the same time."

Brett: "Yeah. Could you do that?"

Me: "That sounds like it would be easy."

Brett: "Yeah, you should do it."

Me: "Yeah, you should give it a try."

Brett: "Yeah, try it Jacky."

Me: "Just try it and see what happens."

Brett: "Yeah."

Jack: "Can we please stop talking about it? Because all this talking is reminding my tooth to hurt."

 

ALERT: Jackspeak

Jack: "Can you please get me and Charlie some apple juice and a snack?"

Me: "Yeah, but I need to finish what I'm doing here first. Come remind me in 10 minutes, okay?"

"Okay, but I don't know what 10 minutes is. Come tell me when it's 10 minutes and then I'll remind you."

ALERT: Jackspeak

Don't bother trying to hide that last fun-size Snickers bar from Halloween for yourself. Not with little boys around.

Jack: "Mom, I can smell that candy bar in your pocket."

ALERT: Jackspeak

Jack: "But I really really REALLY want a lego Batman!"

Me: "I know. But it's $25.00 for a two-inch high Batman. I just can't spend that much on something like that right now. Maybe you can save up your allowance."

"Yeah..."

"And if you do save up $25.00, you might even decide you want something else even more, you know? Something that's maybe better than a two-inch high Batman. Maybe the Batman won't be so important to you anymore."

"Hey, look! This has been important to me from yesterday to today!"

"Exactly."

ALERT: Jackspeak

Jack: "Mom, I'm black-toast intolerant."

Me: "You are?"

"Yeah. What does black-toast intolerant mean, anyway?"

"I'm not quite sure. But I wouldn't tolerate it, either."